Discipline

Last year I attended a meeting of a book club to discuss my novel The Ghost Daughter. In my quest to make a good impression on the elegant women of the club, I ironed my pants and wore a smart jacket. I even brushed my hair. As I perched on the couch waiting for the meeting to begin, one of the ladies came in. She wanted to know if I was the author. I proclaimed myself. Huh, she said. From the way you write, I thought you’d show up in leather and spikes. She wasn’t buying my ironed white pants…

I Did Not Achieve My Fitness Goal

In 2017 I did not achieve my fitness goal. I’ve had the same goal weight for twenty-four years. I reached it once in 1994 for about ten minutes. I still thought I was fat, which I equated with ugly, and so set another even lower goal weight but got pregnant instead, thank God. In the beginning of 2017 I set my same old goal. I didn’t reach it. In fact, I gained ten pounds between January and December. I am telling you this boring story because of a conversation I had with three friends the other day. We were talking…

5 Weight Loss Rules I’m Glad I Followed

The before and after pictures I posted yesterday surprised me when I looked at them together. I’ve lost less than twenty pounds, but the difference in how I feel and look and feel about how I look is enormous. I almost didn’t post those pics out of embarrassment. I did decide to post them because I wanted to be honest about the dramatic effect sugar has on my health. I wanted to be honest about myself. The truth is, I was excited to be at Comic Con. But I was also exhausted. My clothes were uncomfortable. My skin was uncomfortable. The pics remind…

5 Weight Loss Rules I’m Glad I Broke

September is always a New Year’s season for me, and in honor of fresh starts I am embarking on a daily blog challenge for the month. My September challenge this year is called Back-To-School Issue, in which I recreate the magazines of my teenage years with the interests of my current self in mind. There will be journal activities at the end of each post for friends and followers who want to play this fun game with me. This was me at Sacramento Comic Con at the end of June: This is me tonight, eight weeks later: Body image has…

Embrace the Healing Crisis

When I’m about five days into a habit of healthy eating (no sugar whatsoever, little or no wheat products), my skin clears, my clothes loosen, my head aches. My head aches so I can taste metal in the back of my mouth. My head aches so that nothing makes it stop all the way. Even with coffee and analgesics, the headache lurks in the shadow. Its eyes are yellow and they glow in the dark. My energy is low. The dimmer switch is turning lower. Everything is getting on my nerves. My sense of humor is missing. I am taking…

Respect the Messenger

I hate my body. I hate my flaws. I look fat in this. I hate that I’m sick. I’m exhausted. I wish I had energy. I don’t talk this way about myself anymore, but I used to. I hear these exact remarks and others like them all the time from people who are doing great work in all areas of their lives. I’ve learned to appreciate my body’s integrity as I get older. I immediately feel the effects of my choices now. I can hate my body for a weight gain if I want to, I suppose. But it was…

Avoid Sugar

News flash, I’m addicted to sugar. If you follow this blog you’ve heard me say it. If sugar were drugs, I would not have a life. I would be dead in a gutter. The most days I’ve stayed sober in a row is thirty. Sugar awakens in me a toxic hunger dragon that requires five times the calories my body needs to function. Sugar ravages my skin. It steals my energy. Sugar makes me feel so bad. I’m not that crazy about food. I’m not a foodie. But enter sugar into my diet, and I can’t stop eating. I’ve done…