The Worst Advice I’ve Ever Heard

In honor of giving up advice for Lent, here is a list of the worst advice I’ve ever heard:

  1. You should lose weight. You would be really pretty if you lost weight. (A grown man I worked with the summer I was 17.)
  2. You should be stricter with your students. (A former colleague who was let go for getting high during school hours. At school.)
  3. You should establish firm consequences for your students. (A former boss who freaked out and suspended one of my best students the one day she subbed for me.)
  4. That brown skirt makes for a good outfit. (My very stylish friend who normally gives outstanding advice but the first tiime I wore that skirt I barfed in front of the Coliseum in Rome and the second time I almost died in an earthquake so clearly the outfit was a problem.)
  5. Karaoke is a good idea for you. (My very hopeful singing teacher.)
  6. You should assign more homework. (The parent of a student I taught in fourth grade.)
  7. You should dye your hair. (My former student said this while I was growing and growing my gray roots with total abandon.)
  8. You would be funny to hang out with drunk. You should drink more. (A friend)

    73523_459172923183_8304170_n
    This wasn’t the student who gave the advice about dyeing my hair but this is what my hair looked like at the time. Maybe it wasn’t exactly bad advice.
  9. Stop writing about vampires, demons, and ghosts. (My Evangelical Christian second grade GATE teacher who was unduly concerned about the state of my eternal soul.)
  10. Accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. (A stranger at the train station who was unduly alarmed at the sight of the fake snake tattoo on my shoulder.)

Also, giving up giving advice was a terrible idea. People really need my advice to improve their lives. It’s a disservice to others to withhold my wisdom, really. My own advice is always excellent, I swear.

 

 

7 Comments

  1. Hahahahaha! I was going to call you the other day to ask for your advice. Good thing I didn’t contribute to wrecking your Lent. 💜☘️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love you, woman. You delight me.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. The best! Thanks for the smile Maureen. 🌝✨

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Funny, funny, funny, you! Thanks for this. This, paired with your “Best Advice I’ve Ever Heard,” must go in your collection of essays. You are compiling one, I hope!

    Like

    1. You make everything seem possible. I love you, friend. Thank you for reading.

      Like

  5. you have a snake tattoo on your shoulder?

    Like

    1. It was fake. Doesn’t that sound like a good idea, tho?

      Like

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